We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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