Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize