I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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