happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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