apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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