Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
