Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
