We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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