i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I didn't notice because vodka
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You are a genius and a whore.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
