based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude i'm inner monologue high
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
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How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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