That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
sex in a hospital.. check
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
