it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize