Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
