Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I pour the whiskey from now on
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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