I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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