Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
