he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
