We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
