They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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