She is in my trunk
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
