I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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