I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
