u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
