Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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