absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
