I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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