and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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