How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
