I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I had to cum in my sink.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
