You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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