My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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