Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
