After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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