I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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