do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize