Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
