I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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