That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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