he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
