i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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