she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
