I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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