dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
