its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
