dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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