C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
