Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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