so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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