college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
