I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
