do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
