her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
