Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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