she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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