Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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