it wasn't lemon gatorade
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
