I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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