Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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