my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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