I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
