It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
