something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
