Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
