my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
