His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
