Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
