:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
