My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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