We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
