Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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