god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
