drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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