MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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