On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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