I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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