I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
