i wish my penis had a tongue
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
