May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize