Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
