I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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