Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
