So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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