I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
